Monthly Archives: May 2008


Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull (2008) – I would suggest that we let this series die now. Of course, I realize that no film producer worth his salt would let a successful franchise die, especially when you’ve got Shia “The Beef” lined up to fill in for your desiccated celebrity. Here’s a compromise: make one more movie, but in it, Harrison Ford must be the one who crumbles away to dust.

Reviews of Nonsense

Fantastic Parasuicides (2007) –
“Hanging Tough” – Seriously, South Korea,
“Fly Away, Chicken” – what the fucking
“Happy Birthday” – helling hell?

Must remember to check back later for a proper imdb link. Not that isn’t a valid source, nor that I would consider myself racist, but after what I’ve seen, I just don’t know what to think of Korea. I suspect I’ll forget most of what I saw until one day, some art-house hipster makes me watch it. Then, it’ll all come together and make sense upon a second viewing.

Reviews of the Lenterim

The Chronicles of Narnia: Prince Caspian – A single drop of Adam’s blood, and not one drop more! I’m willing to suspend my disbelief for a talking mouse with a sword, but when said mouse slashes said sword across your throat, there ought to be some blood. Rightfully, that mouse’s biggest problem at the end should have been that he was so caked with others’ blood that he couldn’t move. I will compromise: I’ll lower my expectations of blood to a simple puddle of blood here and there if you will grant me that living creatures actually have something running in their veins.

And I wonder: in a world where animals talk and trees are sentient, and said creatures are allies of the humans, why would anything ever be made of wood or leather? Even if they allow their stock to die of natural causes before working it into clothing and tools, it’s got to be socially awkward. For the record, I never want to attend a party and find that the divan is made of my grandmother.

Reviews of Brevity

Iron Man (2008) – When I see Jeff Bridges in a technological-wonderland movie, I expect to see him glow at the seams, if just once. I also would have accepted a light-cycle race or an exclamation of “Oh, my user!”

Anyway, I’m over it. Despite that one deficiency, this was a very good movie. I’m not a comic book guy, I’m not much for action movies, but this one was good. The plot was a little plodding, but it served an important purpose: to develop characters and let the actors act a bit. You hear me, The Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer, get some actors!