Monthly Archives: April 2011

Lent: Part 39

Prince of Persia: The Sands of Time (2010) – So many things piss me off about this one:

  • Prosthetic abs.
  • The waste of such talents as Alfred Molina and Ben Kingsley. Ben. Kingsley.
  • The world’s most thinly-veiled allegories about the Iraq war and libertarianism, in the case of the former, well past the point when any such allegory is relevant or even interesting.
  • The whitenest whiteys playing Persians. This is nothing new, but are we still seriously pulling that shit, Hollywood? And along those lines:
  • Jake Gyllenhaal doing a British accent. What?
  • Almost two hours of the above. Two god-damn hours.

What an appalling waste of time, money and talent.

Lent: Part 36

Suddenly, Last Summer (1959) – When one is revealing the horrible truth, one should not be so damn circumspect just to get it past the censors. Tennessee Williams, of all people, shows a startling lack of understanding of how human sexuality works. Spoiler: most straight men will not be so open to whatever just because you flashed Elizabeth Taylor’s tits at them. You have to liquor them up a bit, too.

Lent: Part 33

Shutter Island (2010) – I would like to distribute a pledge to the filmmakers of the world. It will read in part, “We, the undersigned, hereby pledge never to ask Leonardo DiCaprio to do an accent in a movie. He is not from Boston and never will be. We will also not have disappointing denouements with bullshit anagrams.” If someone could get this to Martin Scorsese, the entire film industry could improve overnight.