Monthly Archives: February 2012

Lent: Part 4

Oscar-Nominated Short Films, Animated

  • Dimanche / Sunday – Oh, French Canadians, don’t ever change.
  • A Morning Stroll – Chickens and zombies. All it needs is a ninja-pirate… no, that’s not fair. Despite the zombies, it was cute. Maybe it started to beat a dead horse by the end, but a cute dead horse.
  • Wild Life – Holy shit, you guys. I want a pet Canadian. Someone get me one, please? This was beautiful, and I pick it to win. To keep with my traditional wrongness, watch for the Academy to declare a four-way tie among all the other entries.
  • The Fantastic Flying Books of Mr. Morris Lessmore – Hey, guess what? Having a long title doesn’t make your film clever. Cleverness does, not that you’d know anything about that, Morris Lessmore creators.
  • La Luna – Pixar. Adorable. That about sums it up.

Also Ran

  • Skylight – I take it back about A Morning Stroll. This is what we call beating a dead horse. Needed to be about half as long.
  • The Hybrid Union – No major objections. Carry on.
  • Nullarbor – I don’t care about Australia or cars, so it’s hard to give even half a shit about this one.
  • Amazonia – Really? What kind of asshole actually includes an audience cheering and applauding for their shitty cartoon? Really?

Lent: Part 3

Oscar-Nominated Short Films, Live-Action

  • Pentecost – This year’s Irish Children Have a Hard Life entry. It at least has the decency to be brief. Also, Ireland? I make the liturgical jokes around here, back off.
  • Raju – If you’ve ever watched a season (any season) of The Amazing Race, you’ve seen the episode where they go somewhere exceptionally poverty-stricken–usually India–and some privileged twit wanders around in a taxi crying about the plight of these poor people, swearing that they’ll do something for poor people as soon as they get home. Germany made a short film out of that episode.
  • The Shore – Although Pentecost was Irish, and some poor kid was very put-upon, it wasn’t depressing, so Northern Ireland gave us an uneven comedy that invoked The Troubles and a man with one arm. The lesson: don’t worry about people you’ve offended; they probably don’t remember the situation accurately anyway, and your daughter is being overbearing and whiny.
  • Time Freak – Cute, I guess, but I feel like I’ve seen this before. At a porn festival. The porn version was better.
  • Tuba Atlantic – This year’s Scandinavians With Daddy Issues. I didn’t think they were going to make it about daddy issues this year, seeing as it’s about a very old man with no children, but then he talked about his father! For all the shit I give Scandinavians for their Freudian issues, this one is my pick to win. As usual, I expect to be wrong.

Lent: Part 1

Year seven, everybody! You know, sometimes people ask me how I can stand to do this, six and a half weeks at a time, each and every year. I admit, it can be grueling, but you have to remember that it’s all worth it in the end. Truly, it requires a…

Triumph of the Will (Triumph des Willens, 1935) – …hahahaha! Oh god, there’s something wrong with me. I just sat down and watched two hours of Adolph Hitler shouting at parades, all for a cheap joke. It won’t all be like this, I swear.

Shit.

Okay, so I don’t know what’s up for tomorrow or Friday, but Saturday will be the Oscar-nominated short films at the Varsity on University Way. Live-Action at 4:50pm and Animated at 7:15pm. Be there or don’t, whatever.