Bringing Up Baby (1938) – Katharine Hepburn has forced me to reconsider everything I thought I knew and felt about Holly Golightlies. Perhaps I must reclassify all Holly Golightlies as inferior copies of the original Susan Vance. Like the brontosaurus.
The Trip (2010) – Rob Brydon can trap his little man in my box any day. No, that came out wrong. What I mean to say is that Rob Brydon is the sexiest Welshman since the last time I saw Rob Brydon on tv.
Brigadoon (1954) – Is it just me, or does anyone else spend most of this movie hoping things work out for the surly, sarcastic friend? Yes, Tommy and Fiona, that’s some very nice dancing in the heather on the hill, but how is Jeff? Did he finally get that nap he wanted?
Skidoo (1968) – Once again, Carol Channing lets me down. I was promised a terrible, career-destroying piece of garbage. Yes, the ending was a little confusing and abrupt, but the rest of it wasn’t so bad.
Carol Channing: Larger Than Life (2012) – Well, that was a diverting piece of fluff. Not that I expected a hard-hitting, investigative documentary about the most frivolous, light-hearted 91-year-old in the world. Oh well, at least I got to see Carol Channing trash on Barbra Streisand for a minute.
Charade (1963) – I suppose it’s possible there are people in the world who don’t love thrilling adventures of espionage and murder from the ’60s, but such people are uncultured beasts, and I want nothing to do with them. Please let me know if you need help operating the door for your shameful exit from my life, you philistine.
For the Love of Dolly (2006) – Whatever problems I may have, I never tracked down Dolly Parton’s assistant’s used car to lick the seat belt.
Paris is Burning (1990) – I guess this is just another one of those aspects of gay culture I’ll never get. Favorite character: the old drag queen who never appeared in any context other than laboriously applying makeup over the course of two hours for some performance that would never seem to happen.
Popeye (1980) – I can’t imagine better casting for a Popeye movie, but how did Robert Altman get picked to direct? Not that I’m complaining, but really?
How to Succeed in Business Without Really Trying (1967) – The lead has a look about him whenever he’s scheming that looks more like he’s about to touch somebody inappropriately, so the scene where he sings to himself in the mirror is confusing.