Anna Karenina (1948) – Once upon a time, sordid love affairs were the most dreadfully tedious things imaginable, and society would work itself into a tizzy about it.
Salt (2010) – Angelina Jolie, being unpredictable nonsense, needs to be clearer about which of her movies will be good and which ones are the flashy bullshit that pay for her boat. This could have been advertised as Salt, starring Angelina Jolie (the good one).
Lost in La Mancha (2002) – There is no director better suited to the Don Quixote story than Terry Gilliam, and no story better suited to Terry Gilliam’s style than Don Quixote. I would kill to make this happen. Please tell me Johnny Depp needs to be killed for the project; I would be happy to oblige.
A Dirty Shame (2004) – John Waters, even in this day and age, can still manage to shock people (and maybe teach them about a new sex act). Not me, of course, I’m a modern, sophisticated man, but other people might be offended, maybe.
Had I known about the Jesus-figure story line, I might have saved this for the last movie. Which reminds me, I need to pick a final film for this year. Suggestions?
Wings (1927) – Silent films don’t really get a fair shake these days, but I contend that Wings is a great movie, even by today’s standards.
Warm Bodies (2013) – I’m actually glad I didn’t know anything about this movie going in. There are so many reasons I should have hated it with a fiery passion: zombie movie, romantic comedy, indie-hipster acoustic soundtrack reminiscent of every piece of crap from the ’00s… the list goes on. But somehow, it works. Somehow, this ends up being among the movies I’m glad I watched this Lent. I’m very confused.
One thing I was able to pin down: Rob Corddry, even with his dialogue limited to grunts and one or two words at a time, is a wonderful comedic actor.
Someone I Touched (1975) – Seems to me the bigger deal about this movie, bigger even than the transmission of VD in this day and age, is the 49-year-old Cloris Leachman getting pregnant. Nobody even mentions it. And I’m not sure how far along she’s supposed to be by the end (she starts at 4 months), but she never shows. She keeps talking about feeling the baby move, but the woman remains as thin as a… um… woman who’s never even been pregnant.
Battle Royale (2000) – Darien asked a lot of stupid questions during this one.
Q: “I sure hope the justification makes more sense in the book.”
A: Kids are little shits. What more do you want?
Q: Directed at a character: “What the hell is wrong with you?”
A: That thing you just saw him do. That is wrong with him.
The Artist (2011) – So, the French have remade either A Star Is Born with a happy ending, or Singin’ in the Rain without Jean Hagen (and with a touch of Single White Female and Misery toward the end).
The Man Who Knew Too Much (1934) – Not Hitchcock’s best work by any means, and in most ways, the remake with Jimmy Stewart and Doris Day is superior, but Peter Lorre can do no wrong.